Put your phone down, psychos.

Dedicated to my girlfriends. I love you dearly! 

My girlfriends frequently ask me for relationship advice. Therefore, I am going to share this tip one time, just in case I die tomorrow or something.

So ladies, when your boyfriend unexpectedly breaks up with you:

STEP 1: You should immediately get wasted and text him eighty three times. Then, for emphasis, call him from private!

Exhibit A:

12:23AM: I'm sorry. I love you.
12:25AM: Do you hate me?
12:29AM: Fuckkk youuuuuuu.
12:33AM: Just kidding. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.
12:36AM: Actually, I did mean that F you.
12:37AM: Whoops. Wrong Text.
1:02AM: Where are youyiii????? come meet me!
1:04AM: OVER IT.
1:05AM: OVER IT.
1:06AM: OVER IT.
1:07AM: O
1:08AM: V
1:08AM: E (refills drink at the bar).
1:11AM: R
1:11AM: I
1:12AM: T
1:31AM: Just kidding. I love you. I miss you. Do you miss me?
1:33AM: FINE! I'm going home with JAKE! He's soooo HOTTT.
1:34AM: come over. I'm not kidding.
1:36AM: Where am I?
1:37AM: Are you drunk?
1:38AM: Did you get my text? I'm calling the police.
1:41AM: Fine!!! DON'T text back. We are SO DONE.

STEP 2: If this doesn't get him back, you should proceed to facebook message and/or text his ex girlfriend, his new girlfriend, his mom, his best friend, and his sister and tell them alllll about it.

STEP 3: You will then wake up in the morning with a slightly bad hangover and a restraining order against you, wondering if its best to take a bubble bath, or just kill yourself. Decisions, decisions. Don't let this mood get you down! And please, don't let a silly restraining order stop you from your mission! No matter how many times your ex tells you you're crazy, you're not. Men just LOVE playing hard to get!

STEP 4: (If necessary) He's probably super turned on that you took the initiative to text him, his mom, his girlfriend, his ex girlfriend, his best friend, and his sister so many times and he's just waiting for you to make your next move!! What is your next move? SIMPLE. Throw green beans all over his car. (Eggs are so 3 years ago) If all else fails, fake a pregnancy!

I only share my best advice with you ladies from wisdom and experience. Look at me, for instance, I'm very happy with the love of my life! My dream man is tall, hot, with blue eyes, brown hair, and is my EX-boyfriend, Joshua. (Joshua if you're out there, and you're reading this, answer your phone and message me back!! LOVE YOU!) 


Best of luck! And go get em' girls!!

Love always,

charissa explains it all  ;)