Don't Drink And Farm. (creepy craigslist)

Sometimes when my best friend and I are bored we like to make fun of craigslist ads. I'm not sure why or how we've come up with this hobby. But nevertheless, it is entertaining. A while back, we came across a post from a man...looking for a woman. He explained in his ad that he had lost his penis in a "rare farming incident" and that he is looking for a relationship based on more than just sex, (Who isn't?!) given that he can no longer perform. Shit happens I suppose. By the way, I lost my vagina in a rare skydiving incident. That's right, my entire vagina flew off. I have no idea where it went. Last I heard it was somewhere in Tennessee.

Anyway, after almost dying of laughter, my initial reaction was "wow, really??! poor guy" leading to...."What the hell kind of farming incident resulted in the loss of your penis?"  Did a horse eat your penis? Did a tractor run you over? Gentlemen, please be safe while farming. Don't drink and farm. 


This very ad is what led me to craigslist for amusement. I only hope that it amuses you as much as me! Here are a few of my current favorites: (People are like, weird.)

1.) Tired of husbands who won't do anything for you anymore? Tired of sticking to your ridiculous vows?
Husbands are lame and you know it. Stop being so damn ridiculous and have some fun. Oh, and if you are single, you should hit me up too. (I give this one points for creativity, great attention grabber!) 


2.) Looking for an Asian Woman Experienced in Massage-65-Pittsburgh. (I don't know of one man in the world that ISN'T looking for an Asian woman. But dude, you're 65, you should just give up.) 


3.) Are you considered a slut??-43-New York- I am real, this ad is 100% real. Are you considered a slut? I want a LTR and maybe eventual marriage with you. I don't want to change you, i want you just the way you are. Want to remain the way you are but wish you had an understanding man to love you. Im here. Send me a pic and put "slut" in subject. I will answer all real ads so what do you have to lose? (See sluts, there are men out there who will love you! Violins.) 


4.) This Santa is not looking for Milk and cookies! This Santa is looking for naughty woman to host and provide him with a BJ...in return Santa will leave nice gift$ Please share info age, part of city, married/ single, when available and picture.....Santa is looking to hear from you soon....with the right woman this could be Xmas weekly.....please put BJ in subject line..... (Um?! I don't know about you Santa but I get "$$$" for Christmas without passing out "BJ's")


5.) I Just Want A Hand Job-Male-49-Pittsburgh (Props for Honesty)


6.) Foot Bitch.-Male-26-Pittsburgh-About me: I am a college educated, normal, sane guy. I am 145lbs, thin-ave build, white guy. I have a good, professional job, and I enjoy what I do. I am basically looking for a woman who wants her feet kissed, massaged and worshiped. I will lick your feet and sensually suck on your toes. I give very relaxing foot massages. You can treat me like your servant boy. I want to spoil you and obey you. I am a real person. It's getting close to Christmas and the Steelers take on the 49rs on Monday. Please put "Serve Me!" in the subject line so I know you are real. (Craigslist is definitely the place to meet foot bitches) 


Ladies if you must search for a man on craigslist, please be careful! You might end up with this...

Or this....

Or in some cases, this....

I love all of you psychos, have a GREAT Tuesday! 


Xoxo, 


charissa explains it all.


Am I going to get in trouble for this??? 

Is this real life?

I'm becoming to notice that I'm in a very strange transforming stage in my life. I'm 22, which basically means I'm too old to act young and too young to act old (I think). I act young anyway. So many things are changing! Here's what is new in my life......

I'm trying to slowly ween myself off of my mother, which is entirely more difficult than I thought it would be! This means I no longer can call her at 3am when I've had a bad dream, or creepy men are standing outside of my house, or if I'm craving chocolate, or if I need to go shopping, or if I can't decide between chinese food or mexican, or if I need someone arrested, or if I get a ticket, or if I want to quit my job! I guess I should learn to be more independent and start listening to her voice in my head instead of bugging her so much. (Easier said than done.) Growing up is unnecessary, in my belief, but I suppose it has to be done.

My youngest brother and I have also become oddly close, which was totally unexpected considering we are polar opposites. Aside from the fact that he is in that whole 16-year-old-carry-a-pocket-full-of-condoms-just-in-case-I-happen-to-need-one-even-though-I'm-still-a-virgin phase, he is actually a pretty neat kid. He's in a band, and is actually pretty good. I forced him to let me be the band's manager, which is sweet.

My roommate is a prostitute. I don't understand this at all. A creepy overweight man just left my apartment. I'm very over her whole "erotic massage" business.

My best friend is manic depressive and refuses to go out with me. But I'm making new friends. Tonight I am spending the evening with Kim and Aless. I'm sure many adventures are to come. I put together a stunning black and gold ensemble. This was not to root for the steelers, gold is very in this season. I care about football almost as much as I care about hockey. I'm looking forward to a girls night.

I am almost certain that law school is some kind of sick joke. But I deal with it. I'm doing surprisingly well in school. I'm wondering if I have home field advantage. I have full access to the library at all times, and know many lawyers that I can dial and complain to. I just finished my last final and am ready to full tackle winter break charissa style.

My boss wants me to develop a set schedule and stop checking my e-mail. But I'm too busy scheming ways to turn Front Row Monthly into a multi million dollar business. It's only a matter of time. (Anybody with some money should invest now.) I'm meeting with my soul sister/co-worker/girlfriend Bella tomorrow to work out the details to a rather impressive marketing plan (Her Idea). She's a genius.

It's hard to work 2 jobs plus school plus managing a column and now a blog! I am anticipating my big break in life. I am anticipating New York for New Years, MTV style with the 3 best girls that ever happened to me. And throughout the craziness I am certain that these are the best days of my life.

Until Next Time,

charissa explains it all ;)

My current muses: My mom. American Horror Story. Britney Spears' new album. Rihanna. Nicki Minaj. Drake. Babe Walker. Bella. Aless. cortny. Kim. 

HAPPY DECEMBER

Hello Darlings,

The new issue of  Front Row Monthly is out today. (www.frontrowmonthly.com) You can read some of my greatest pieces! In December, I was privileged to interview the fabulous Babe Walker of popular twitter @WhiteGrlProblem. The girl is no where near as bitchy as she comes off! Totally sweet. And she had the cutest loubitins and chanel purse I have EVER seen! She even sent me a copy of the manuscript, which I finished in 2 evenings! You know one of those books that you cannot put down for a second?! White Girl Problems is that book!! Out on January 31st!

Plus, if you enjoy ready the funny shit I like to vent about on here then you'll love the feature I wrote about her! Is it true that the famous white girl problem herself had a labiaplasty on her vagina? check out the new December issue on our website and find out! Also had a great interview with Fashion Designer Washington Roberts and the founder of Africa Fashion Week New York! Lots to enjoy!

Well anyways, I've been so busy with December that I totally forgot about January and went straight to February! (My bad Gina) I need to get to straight to work and prepare you guys with some more gossip, fashion, and bullshit to amuse yourselves with! Who's next on my celebrity list? Find out January ;)

Love Always,

charissa explains it all.